CUTE OVERLOAD

Danish bunny steeplechase.

Going solo

These Platypussies have lost their bandmates!!! Can you help them find their way through the maze to musical freedom?
One man Band

the one man band


One Man Band


One Man Band




DON'T FORGET! WFMU IS BRINGING THE 365 DAYS PROJECT BACK FOR 2007! CHECK OFTEN AT BLOG.WFMU.ORG

Shuddup, you!

S2pid iz te noo kewl. Seriously though, I was having a hearty discussion with my lady friend about that old socialism. The obvious turnoff for me regarding socialism is that it restricts individual expression (to varying degrees depending on whose ideals such a system is being built upon), and is basically an admission that we're too irresponsible and inconsiderate to keep it lassez-faire. Having watched the "stupidity" documentary just now, that turnoff is actually starting to look pretty good right now. Which means that documentary has the same effect as alcohol (which itself is a large part of the problem). On a hardly-related note, could someone please inform the media that environmentalism is actually an effort to preserve the natural world (which includes EVERY SINGLE PERSON) and not the "environmental lobby"? The "tobacco lobby" protects the interests of tobacco companies, as do the "oil lobby" and "pharmaceutical lobby" ad nauseum etcetera. I promise to be as apolitical as possible in the world of Platypussies but I think we should periodically remember to pay attention to issues that may one day affect both our freedom to express and our physical ability (no electricity for recording devices, carcinogenics in our art supplies...) to express our creativity and individuality. With that in mind, please do me a favor and slash the tires of the next person you hear refer to the environment as a special-interest entity. For your diligence, here are some of the hilarious residuals of free-market capitalism!


What's a burger machine?



GOOD CREDIT, BAD CREDIT, NO CREDIT...WE OWN THE BAAANK!!!

Documentary on 'Stupidity'

Check it out here on Google Video. But if you're really smart, why are you spending your time watching videos on the Internet? Shouldn't you be reading Marx, Dickens, or some Freakonomics? Seriously though, this BBC documentary addresses a lot of issues that have been in my mind the past 5 years or so. At least ever since George Bush got a second term.

Then again, sometimes the smartest thing you can do is to educate yourself with truly worthless knowledge. Wanna try a documentary on the fight for Tetris? Go ahead, it's Platypussy recommended!

Oh and as a secret bonus for reading this far in a world of 3 second attention spans... a bit of spoken word on the history of the Amen beat...

More from Kelly Flushboy

TRANSCENDENTAL CLEAN


Are you clean enough for Japan?
That's the honest question.

Because you'll never feel dirtier in your life as is
on your best day next to a native there.

Everything in Japan comes down to the hands and feet,
preceding everything else.

So yeah-we've been washing and worrying in the wrong
places.

Have a meal-have a handiwipe first. 

No handshake to sense where you're at.
The cleaner you are-the more respect you get.

Burger King be damned-if it cost next to
nothing--better wash up first.

Petting zoo. no brainer?
sorry...

Petting zoo you think you can get away with germs.
Hell no-you get sedated and sanctioned if you don't
wash your hands before and after groping with goats
and hogs.

An activity that would get you called sissy on back
woods Appalachian roads-but not in Japan.

Japan is the hen pecking girlfriend that won't let us
pick our ears in public because god or the milk man is
watching.

No spitting.no fighting.no cursing.no sperm.no jacking
off residue on dresses or else.

not without a 4 x 4 ply piece of paper,alcohol,and
Buddha between you and the amoebas that mean you harm.

Germs are an exact science in Japan.

you cannot,Cannot blow your nose in public in japan.

Sounds simple, right? Try having a cold there.

it is worse than Janet's breast at the Superbowl.
you might as well set the clock back to Godzilla time
in Japan if any mucus hits the tidy non cobble
streets.

Tsunamis,girl child abortions, non-carb diets...so
what.

No illness allowed.

And if you don't have your surgical white Cotton masks
in hand in japan, double forget it.

Before Michael Jackson, there was Japan.
They made preventative a fashion icon.

It's almost what you can't see-than the obvious-that
they're scared of. Boogie San is alive and well.

Anyone who oozes is a nationale threat;
did the Sex Pistols even ever get to tour there...??

So then, how DOES the place deal with bumping uglies
you ask?

Music for 1 Apartment, 6 Drummers

This is very true to the Platypussy Mantra. Starting out with pots and pans as kids, annoying the hell out of your parents for some attention, or just because you're caught up in the sounds you can make. No need to overthink it and try to write a piece of music; over time your rhythm and pausing will improve to match your own expressions. This is why no one should consider themselves musically incapable, just as one should never simply resign to 'I can't draw' et ceteras. As Sun Ra pointed out, 'music is a spiritual language', and by that token any art or vehicle for living life is an exercise in meeting with your own expressionables. Unmentionables. "Your own personal ambassador... and nemesis to the Creator."

"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."

Free Verse on Japan from Kelly Flushboy

Nothing about Japan makes sense.
That’s what you gotta get in your head straight first.

You may think you have a handle on things; been around.
Seen things.

You have no shit on Japan.

It’s everything you think it may be …
Then multiply that by 10.

You’re still not there yet.
Really.

14 hours of stale air, bad movies, and plastic food and you’re not there yet.

You know that sound the fridge makes, or the ac when you can’t sleep?

That’s what Japan sounds like.

The loudest white noise on earth is Japan.

The kind that would make you confess your deepest likes and sins just to make it stop.

And bright.

Like photo-mart bright.

Like jail on tv bright.

And you- you do alright in your own country, with the looks.

But not in Japan.

You might as well be a ferris wheel, covered in cheddar & chilli in Japan.
Green eyes and modest don’t apply.

Beyond the freak show, you be.
You are the tallest, blondest, square peg in round slot there.

Even the barflies in Japan’s best version of a crap USA bar fit in more comically than you.

But you get over it.
You learn this the first night badly that room service fridge bar tabs and jet lag do not mix.

Your hotel- immaculate. Scary clean.
Massive tile bathroom. Sunken tub.

Water is religion in jJpan; is currency. More so than a suit and the yen.

Over friendly staff to the point of game show is Japan hotel mgt.

You can’t sleep.

That’s the real joke.

Some do-but I think they’re lie.
You watch Oz; American cable; the series on prison; in Japanese and catch up on a series in a week you’re never seen in your life.

You relate- your room is a cell and sanctuary at the same time.

And yes-there are gardens, there’s cod, robes, sake, drunk business men, girls, doesn’t matter ..

There is actual quiet. You have to face. And monks.

Real deal freakin’ monks.

What do you say?
Where is your inner monologue then?

Honestly? It’s shogun, you’re a tourist-and you say _______________?

But it’s twilight zone.
Every thing looks right and tastes right, and once again your trolling the city zoo and museums like you would in any other big city.

Hoping someone thinks your cool has bias. It doesn’t. never does.You’re a faker. even here.

You cannot read or understand anything- so you end up smiling-a lot.
more than you allow yourself in your own state.
as a means of currency.

Japan has all the steps-the style,
but no soul.

Or more so- Tokyo.

There’s jazz, whiskey in cans, sex with vacuums.
I mean-let’s say it—it is Blade Runner.
Pretty. Hard. Weird. No ending.

Everything that reads as right.

But it’s off-there is no backbeat in Japan.

And they know us-they copy us down to a tee-but it’s like having a pet robot.
It’s the body snatchers.

There’s no dirt or funk or gross.
If there is-it’s been staged or copied.

Like teenagers is Japan. Making dear what is the next to be true or valid.

There is no chance of getting into trouble other than the usual in Japan.

But I did. White trash and all. And here’s how…

yo momma's mustache

yo momma, originally uploaded by Platypussy Records.

Minibattles/DJ Homobattles sighting in Japan.

New Beginnings

platypussy, originally uploaded by Platypussy Records.

Praise Jesus

Those Daemon Flushboy fellas have been telling me about the beauty of this, but I had no idea how empty my life really was.



Like, seriously, the internet is just full of things like this:



One last thing (maybe). Okay, two. First, I think we can all thank Katie Couric for creating the smooth script for transitions between clearly unrelated youtube videos. Second, if any of the All Platypussies Run Free readers are interested in forming a stage show that looks something like this please contact me directly.

A Frank and Open Discussion

Let's talk about citizenship. Now, as far as I'm concerned, there are only two types of citizenship: crazy citizenship and sane citizenship. Back in the FDR days there were programs to channel crazy citizenship into sane citizenship, but not anymore. Hell, you can't even get a loaf of bread from your country much less employ schitzophrenics in the civil service sector anymore! That being said, the following is an example of crazy citizenship working hard for you.



Also, it's one thing to love your country, but what do you do if you love your country but your cat really just can't fucking stand you?



Also, any guesses as to what sort of stuffing one should use if one is making an especially large animal head to go with your animal costume without giving oneself a headache?